Danzig Haikus
I was out of the country (by which I mean Canada, no big deal) and have been putting together an epic best of the year post, so I'm a bit behind in posting. I should get the best of list up tomorrow or so. Until then, here's my review of the entire Danzig catalogue in haiku form. Enjoy.
One
Overrated, yes
But still, a solid debut
Many riffs still kill
I think I laughed for the entirety of this video the first time I saw it. I mean, who the hell were they kidding?
Two
This is more like it
Danzig comes into his own
"I'm The One" sucks, though
I actually think this video holds up pretty well compared to most of his stuff (see above).
Three
Uneven record
But has lots of his best shit
"Bodies" is a turd
Plop.
That's more like it.
Four
Best Danzig record
Save a few tracks, it's killer
What does the "p" mean?
This is one of my favorite Danzig songs. The video... well. It's okay, I guess, if you like nothing happening and the 90s.
Huh. I'm speechless.
Five
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!!
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!!!
Shit Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've mentioned this on the blog before, but I owned this record for less than its running time. I'd be willing to bet that everyone who likes this record owns at least one pair of vinyl pants with lots of zippers on them.
Six
Good return to form
But it's too little, too late
To erase last one
See. The riff is kind of nice, but now all I can think about is Blackaciddevil.
Seven
This record is long
Maybe it's good, but come on
I'm a busy guy
Mystery solved. It's not good.
Eight
Haven't heard this one
I bet it sounds like Danzig
But not very good
This is the only song I've heard off of this album. I kind of like the chorus, but it's still pretty meh.
Lost Tracks
Another record
Marred by Rubin's race baiting
Fuck that bearded douche
I actually think this is a totally sweet song, and made the lost tracks kind of worth it.
Black Aria
Sweet when I was 12
I played D&D to it
No really. I did.
So I pull out my robe and wizard hat...
Black Aria II
What the fuck is this?
Hey, you know what this sounds like?
Hell's falafel place
Suddenly I want some dolma.
Those later songs have me absolutely convinced that Danzig is like George Lucas and Metallica. He just has no clue what made his earlier shit work so when he changes, he changes in the totally wrong direction. I want to hear Danzig totally wailing like a goofy metal version of Roy Orbison and Jim Morrison in a fight, while simple, kind of heavy, kind of bluesy riffs play. That's it. The later songs pretty much do the exact opposite of that. Oh well. At least I can always go put on Snakes of Christ when I need to rock out.
Random Danzig Craziness:
Meeting of the minds, clearly.
I actually really love this song.
Kind of funny, but about a tenth as funny as it could have been if the guy could actually do a decent Danzig impression. A for effort though. Ryan and I totally used to call people up on the phone and play Danzig songs (he'd play guitar and I'd wail). We called it "Danizg house calls." I would usually begin by saying something like "Hey. This is Glenn. I want to try out some of my new material on you. Tell me what you think." I still think that was pretty funny.
It's better than "Bodies."
Enough said.
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login or register to post comments Submitted by herry on Fri, 2010-07-30 11:32.