HKY - S/T
If I may have a word with France for a minute, here.
Dear France:
I like you. You've given us delicious cheeses, Emile Durkheim, Michel Foucault, and a shit load of good bands such as Anomie, Frrt, and Year of No Light. Yet many of my countryfolk seem to dislike you. I personally find this vexing. I have a feeling most of them dislike you because they have some ill-concieved stereotype that y'all are a bunch of wimps. While it's true that you have had some remarkable military defeats in recent history, it's probably worth pointing out that without your help there probably wouldn't be an America, and that a thousand years ago you sort of, kind of withstood several Viking assaults, which has to count for something.
Either way, I have a new PR idea for you: all you have to do is play everyone in America the new album by French sludge band HKY and it will be literally impossible for us to cast you as wimps. HKY is some of the meanest, most pummeling, heaviest shit I have ever heard in my entire life. It's the musical equivalent of Foie Gras- smooth and rich, yet so brutal that Americans just can't handle it and actually have to debate it's legality. It's like they took everything good about every good sludge band there is, cranked it up to onze, and then ripped the fucking knobs off.
In fact, HKY is so fucking good that I hope Bill O'Reilly calls for another boycott of France. I will personally pay for HKY to fly over here, drive them to his studio, and sneak them in so they can begin rocking out in the middle of his show. Their French sludge attack will be so ferocious that the only thing he'll be boycotting after that will be his fucking hearing.
Did that make any sense? Fuck it. If it doesn't make sense I'll just call it post-modern. That's what you guys do and it seems to work out.
So I think it's safe to say that I'm pretty sure HKY rock hard as fuck. I truly believe you should play this record for everyone in America so they have to eat their words about the French being wimps.
Granted, I wrote this letter in English, so a sizable chunk of you can't read it.
Uh... let's see...
Je suis désolé pour mes compatriotes. Votre musiqe des sludge est manifique. J'ai eu trois ans du français dans le lycée. Très bon, non?
Seriously, man. All that high school French and that's the best I can do, and even that required me looking up some words. But you know what? That's why I'm an American. We don't have to learn your languages. Hell, we don't even have to learn OUR language.
Sincerely,
Todd, les amoureux de sludge Francais.
P.S. You know how you eat raw steak? That's fucking weird.
